Doing My Bit for Bi Visibility – I Came Out at Work

So, the article was published. No negatives so far, a couple of good chats. Hopefully more to come.

Have a read. The article included a photo and my contact details …… I really went all in!

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For me, bi-identity means to be attracted to more than one gender, and Robyn Ochs, a bi-activist summarises it perfectly:

“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree. For me, the bi in bisexual refers to the potential for attraction to people with genders similar to and different from my own.”

When I was in my mid-teens, I recognised that I was attracted to more than one gender, but it took me until my 30s to identify as Bi. When I was younger, I’d always felt like I had to pick a side- choose which gender I was attracted to and stick to it. Hiding parts of myself caused a lot of anxiety and self-doubt, but I managed to push it to the back of my mind for a long while.

When I met the love of my life who later became the mother of my children, I felt that the universe had picked a side for me. The topic of attraction and dating history never really came up, so I never had to think too much about my sexual orientation. Throughout our relationship, the attraction of other genders never went away but I ignored it- it felt normal to push these thoughts away, putting it down to being a modern man who was able to recognise when another man was handsome. I’d been lying to myself for so long that although there were times when I questioned myself, I felt like I could sweep it under the rug.

But in my 30s, after so many years of hiding myself away, the questions and thoughts about my sexual orientation and identity kept building until it became a tornado, one so large that I couldn’t ignore it anymore and it began affecting my mental health. It took a long time to accept myself for who I am, and once I had I began to doubt myself and wondered whether I was only feeling like this because I was unhappy or felt that there was something fundamental that I was missing out on- if not, why was it now that this was all happening? But eventually, I realised that I’m exactly who I always have been, I’m just about to put a label on the feelings I have inside.

At the time, I was nervous to tell my wife even though she witnessed the emotional turmoil I was going through and asked several times what was wrong. I knew I was in a strong and loving relationship with my wife that I wasn’t looking to change, so it didn’t feel worthwhile to rock the boat. But it began feeling wrong to keep this from her, she knew everything about me except this, and I didn’t want to hide it from her anymore.

So, after 15 years of being together, I told my wife that I’m Bi. Although she had a lot of questions initially, she has been incredibly supportive and made me feel safe in my identity, which I know isn’t always the case for people when they come out.

With her support, the support of trusted friends and lots of learning, I finally feel content with who I am and with my identity. I’ve moved to a much more settled mindset now, and instead of having a tornado of thoughts, I now have my very own airport luggage conveyor- all the cases are mine, and I can pick one up, open it and begin to unpack what’s inside. If I’m not ready to unpack that particular case, I can close it, and put it back on the conveyor for it will come around again and hopefully at a time when I’m in the mindset where I can unpack it!

Through my coming out experience, I’ve learned that your feelings will be there regardless of whether you try and control them, but also that your identity is valid whether you are out or not.

This Bi Visibility Day, I hope that sharing my experiences can help someone going through something similar. I didn’t have anyone to turn to whilst I was going through my experience, and I don’t want anyone else to go through that alone if they do not want to.

I am more than happy to chat in confidence with anyone who may need it – please do feel free to message me.

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So there we are, I came out at work. Now proudly displaying my Bi flag pin badge on my lanyard.

Si