A Big Step Forward (Still here …… just busy)

Well, Hello!

Today (14th September) will be a big step. Today, I commit to do something I would have never considered just 12 months ago. Today, I will take the plunge and go all in.

Sorry I’ve been away for a while. I originally intended just to take two weeks out whilst on holiday. I then decided to take another week – it felt nice just to be, rather than think about things. I was in a nice place and I worried that I might trigger something by coming back to the blog too quickly.

I’m still in that nice place. I have a couple of posts on the go, one about stats and one about well-being. And more to follow.

But for now, I wanted to tell you all what I’m about to do. Basically, I’m about to come out to 2000 people, of which about 200 or so know me directly. Today, I am going to be interviewed by my workplace Diversity, Equity and Inclusivity lead. This will then be written up and published on our internal Website and weekly newsletter to time in with September 23rd, Bi Visibility Day.

Oh god! Even just writing that has me riddled with nerves. I keep debating whether it’s the right step. I keep doubting myself, I keep questioning myself. Could this damage me in some way? Will people look at me or treat me differently?

Do the benefits outweigh the potential downsides? Probably not.

But!

If not me, then who else? I am now confident and content enough in my identity to take that step and show my face. I want to represent, I want to show people that we exist. I want to challenge people’s perceptions and presumptions. I want to make myself available if anyone wants a chat. I would love it if just one other person gained the confidence from me doing this to recognise something in themselves.

I feel I need to do this. I’m coming from a very safe place. I have a brilliant and supportive wife. I’m pretty high up in the staff grades, so not risking losing out on promotion. And of the 200 or so that do know me directly, there are only about 4 or 5 that I would be devastated if they turn against me. It’s not risk-free, it could go very wrong. But I know it’s the right thing to do, both for me and for others.

And selfishly, I’m hoping that someone does approach me and does want a chat.

Because I’ve been on my own in many respects. I don’t know another bi male, let alone one I could go and have a chat or compare notes with. I really hope I am able to find someone who can relate, who I can share my insecurities with. Who I can laugh with, maybe even cry with. So you see, it’s not all about me doing this for visibility and representation. It’s also a wave for a little help here.

Interestingly, there are still close friends and family members that I have absolutely no inclination or desire to come out to. Weirdly, I’d rather 2000 randoms know than some of the people close to me. Not really sure why, probably (unfairly perhaps) because I worry that it won’t go down so well with certain people close to me, but I couldn’t care less if someone at work takes umbrage.

I’ll say again, I’m in a nice place right now. I am doing this on my own terms and hope it helps.

Si